by Amanda Austin, PsyD, BCBA
The sibling relationship is one of the longest relationships someone has in their lifetime. Having a sibling with special needs creates an even more unique experience.
What Makes These Sibling Relationships Unique?
The sibling relationship may differ from the traditional sibling relationship in several ways when one child has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), and these differences can be challenging for the neurotypical sibling to navigate. Some common aspects that may be different in these relationships include:
Shifts in responsibility
Though children diagnosed with autism range considerably in their skills, older or younger siblings may find that they provide extra support for their brother or sister, which could include helping them make breakfast, reminding them to complete chores, or taking care to include them in social activities. While many people might see these steps as extra responsibility, siblings may also experience pride and excitement as they see their sibling develop their own independence.
Increased parental attention for the sibling with ASD
Siblings are often aware of the time and attention that navigating and managing life with a child with ASD can require from parents and caregivers. They may even point this perceived “unfairness” out to parents. Some siblings experience feelings of jealousy or disappointment due to the attention their siblings with ASD receive.
Increased behavioral and communication challenges
Many children with ASD have difficulty communicating with others and may engage in challenging behaviors. Siblings may experience misunderstandings in communication with their siblings, and/or distress observing challenging behaviors, especially if they are the target of those behaviors. These challenges can lead to frustration, confusion, and even grief over the loss of a typical sibling relationship.
Impact on social support
Because the behavior of children with ASD differs from their peers, some siblings may have difficulty relating to friends who have more expected sibling relationships. They may experience embarrassment about inviting friends over or isolation due to peers not understanding the unique challenges of having a sibling with ASD.
How to Support a Sibling in Your Family
Explain their brother or sister’s diagnosis and the challenges they experience
Knowledge is power! Explaining autism to a sibling, as well as the specific challenges their brother or sister faces can provide clarity and insight into why certain things are hard for them. Understanding can increase your child’s ability to engage in perspective taking and make sense of their sibling’s challenges. Ground explanations about autism in your child’s developmental level to create productive opportunities for conversation.
Listen to and validate their feelings and experiences
Providing a listening ear can go a long way. Allowing neurotypical siblings to express their thoughts and feelings without judgment, and acknowledging and empathizing with their emotions, can provide a healthy outlet for them to experience relief and comfort.
Seek professional support
Growing up with someone with autism can be confusing and challenging. If your child is struggling to cope with the difficulties that come from having a sibling with autism, a mental health provider can help them and your family navigate these feelings. Providers who specialize in autism spectrum disorder can provide education about autism, strategies to help manage overwhelming emotions, and support with problem solving specific circumstances. Support groups are another great way for siblings to connect with others who share their experience of having a sibling with autism and hear about ways their peers are navigating their experiences.
How North Star Can Help
North Star Family Autism Center provides psychoeducation and therapeutic support for siblings of children with autism. Some siblings participate in one-on-one psychotherapy with a clinician who has a strong understanding of ASD and its impact on the whole family. Additionally, North Star holds virtual sibling support groups for siblings ages 7 through 16 who have a sibling with autism or related developmental disabilities. During the groups, siblings will learn more about autism and the implications of their siblings’ special needs, learn strategies to cope with frustrations related to being a sibling, and meet others who share similar experiences. For more information the dates and times of upcoming groups and to register, visit our Events page.
Feel free to contact us at info@nsfac.com with any questions. We hope you will join us!
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